Deep Thoughts

I really shouldn't drink coffee after 7pm; I see this now.  I also shouldn't read my blogs about food when it's late and I'm hungry.  As I write this, I'm heating up half a can of corned beef hash I fried over a week ago.  Oh my;  It sounds so good though.  I read a very ugly letter earlier.  You know why people are mean, right?  They displace their own insecurities and anger.  Normally I wouldn't take such a diatribe personally, but I'm up late working on important things, so the dark thoughts creep in.  Plus I left the letter out.  I should burn it lol.  Yea.  With my angel candle's flame.  And then listen to my favorite song, which everyone else I know hates.  Lol.  I don't know why this song makes me so happy, so calm and connected.  Oh corned beef hash; I've missed you.  My song is on!  I didn't even play it.  Yay!  Upon what was I dwelling?  No idea :p

It's the following morning.  Yesterday was rough.  It would have been my dad's 72nd birthday, had cancer not taken him at age 50.  I grieved too much for my dad back then; I was in denial through his chemo and prayed every night in the little room of his girlfriend's house that he would conquer the cancer this second time and stick around to protect me.  Such was not my luck, and when things turned awful, with the girlfriend swigging a gallon Chevis Regal in the middle of the night and taking out her anger and sorrow on us, I had to run.  I found a little place in Oceanside, right on the beach at Tyson Street and picked myself up again.  You know we only need ourselves, and of course a place of serenity to write it all out.  I filled four journals, and when I say filled, I mean the covers had writing squished in up to the corners.  A year later I met my husband-to-be, and fearful he would find those very strange writings, I threw them in an active firepit and watched them burn before walking away from the four young men who likely equally thought me strange.  Haha; story of my life.  I'm very different than most people.  I feel things more, enjoy my own and my family's company most, write more than I speak, and feel little to no insecurity blogging this.  It's freeing.  Plus I can always edit :p

My point is, if you can be yourself and be comfortable with you, you will find the right people come directly to you at just the right times.  They may leave at the right times too; you have to be accepting of this, because dwelling in any negative emotion will cause you internal harm.  Focus on the positive.  Spread positivity.  Help heal the hurt, feed and clothe the poor, and educate those who need your wisdom.  You will know all of these people when you meet them, so long as you look them in the eyes and listen.  I could lend you a hundred examples, but I've got work to do, so here is just one:  A man came to me at the gas station and asked to wash my windows for some spare  change.  My windows were filthy, and I was pushing being late to an appointment, but had to fill my tank because my gauge is broken and I only know the exact miles I can run on a full tank, so I agreed, telling him all of this.  He told me where it was and how to fix my gauge, by way of the fuse box.  This wisdom also helped me fix my passenger window, stuck down, my heater (yes!) and the charging outlet for my phone (wow; did I ever need that).  I gave him all of my change, though I wanted to cash it in, for there was a lot, including several Susan B. Anthony dollars.  He thanked me profusely, but I was thanking him just as much right back.  Who empowered whom there?  The world may never know.  Anyway, that's all for now.  As my broker Kim says, "make it a great day!"  ~Betty