Hello gentlemen and all AP English students

It feels like forever since we were in the classroom.  Today, however, brought back a hundred smiles and a few lol of remembrance.  Perhaps its the Kentucky air.  "The memory of odors is very rich," as Steinbeck said.  I've read over 200 AP English essays here already and I see I have to reteach a few things, so here goes.  The paragraph is a mini essay, replete with intro, evidence to support idea, concrete example and concluding sentence.  Use "homies" for conversation, "friends" or compadres for composition.  I do know what you mean by words like "encarge" and "upsord," but if you continue to misspell the same words, I'm going to make you write them over and over again until your hand cramps into the fetal position, and even ambidexterity won't save you, so save the witty retorts.  Remember that past tense verbs change to the past participle when preceeded by "have" or "has," regardless of your spoken cultural norms from Hawaii or anywhere else. Furthermore, referencing your favorite cartoon characters is never recommended, although we may love them too, because if you say The Jetsons, or in one case The Jeffersons, started the technological age, or that Bruce Wayne is the most beloved modern hero, we will lose it to mirth at your expense.  Do use examples to support your ideas, but reference both first and last name, or last name.  Referring to Ben, meaning Franklin, or Jane, meaning Austen, sounds peculiar and immature.  No bullet points, fragments, runons or profuse use of exclamation points, please.  In addition, and contrary to popular opinion, large bills in the text booklet cannot help your score, but you may feed a hungry teacher.  I miss you and the classroom, especially you who think I was the toughest, but everyone has to consistently seek his or her continued growth in various ways, and I hope you noticed the pronoun agreement in this sentence.  You're individual minds are brilliant and astounding.  I couldn't help but take many notes.  A lot of us do, and then we head to the nearest bookstores to read from where it generates.  This year it's East of Eden and Catch 22 so far, and the list grows exponentially as the grading goes on.  You should be reading a lot as well; it fosters imagination and therefore progress.  Keep working hard on the things you love, putting your best foot forward, even if circumstances aren't ideal, for its the only way to find your shine.  Finally, always try your best, but if you're losing sanity because of low blood sugar, or any other reason, fixing this should remain the utmost priority.  This idea came to me today:  Student with the "ripe mango" smelling room, and proctors full of "peanut butter lies," besides being highly witty and intelligent, LOL!!!  I wished you would have written more, but yes I am having a great day.  You definitely need to be in a comedic role for the benefit of the masses.  I threw my head back and laughed out loud at nearly everything you wrote.  Remember your promise if you didn't get the left ear infection.  Back to church you go.  And by the way, skipping breakfast is within your control.  Keep apples handy, and you'll keep the doctor away more often as well.

I wish you all of the very best.
Ms. Calkin