Humanity

I just laughed!  It only lasted a few moments, but the whole experience was rare and therefore especially wonderful.  Directly after this, my exhausted ideas drifted right back to meaningful, traumatic memories.  Ah..there's the rub.  We made truly incredible memories together, as “team Betty Rod!” he often exclaimed.  I needed a valiant person to stand up for me, so desperately, that I was unable to let go until his betrayal was in the same room where I lay sleeping.  I would awake to her tamarind sucker stuck to his computer desk next to our bed, her greasy hand or footprint on the wall beside my face, or in my car when he returned from a place other than the dog park where he claimed he was going.  He would make long and passionate love to me, then make arrangements for more of the same with the Mexican teenager next door.  Maria del Carmen razo, etching angry faces into the paint of my car, smashing my solar butterfly terrarium, eating bowls of cereal I’d bought, using my “Queen of the House” wine glass, leaving everything dirty, including a very brown-streaked toilet, cigarette ashes on the counters and floors, and his increasing infatuation with all of this, and several other escorts he’d favorited, combined with his increasing impatience with me, all things I wish I could forget, but my mind is always going back over them, wondering why everyone around would adapt their thinking to meet his, rather than courageously and defiantly speak up, making efforts to dispel sheer madness.  Our society is very ill, evident if only in mainstream music glorifying heavy substance abuse, justified adultery, burglary, assault and murder.  It’s humorous to make the Uzi sound, onomatopoeiac ad hominem, and bandwagoning in general, but that’s because we are angry, all with different sources imagined for the very same lyrics.  I’m making a lot more headway in my overall health and well-being, challenged by muscle pains as those that support my recently readjusted spine and neck reassert themselves.  Stress doesn’t help so some yoga is in order as well.  I am glad for all of my experiences, that I am incredibly talented and able to conduct my own yoga “class,” or most any workout type, often perfectly choreographed with 32 count popular hit songs ha.  It often feels like no one understands or cares, but we do.  Forty days and nights cramped in a loud floating barn/aviary surely felt like unimaginable hell at times, until faith lit freedom’s portal with every color in the spectrum, as if to finally smack Satan with a tangible “in-your-Face! Haha.  Dork.”  Today was really beautiful.  A fellow Libra, Darlene, had me cracking up toward the end.  Some really great things are coming; I have nice memories overtaking the terrible ones now, and I look forward to making many more.  I don’t need to make another proud of me.  It was only me who ever needed that.   I'm a really neat person, absolutely amazing in fact; and do you know how I know this?  Because, real love was devoted to me for such a long time, amazing too.  All of those things we butt heads about, aren't important anymore; it’s those most poignant memories, certainties of our lives, laughter, hope and health, and keeping warm in the lights these beget.  Learn from the likes of the especially intellectual gangster in "Stand and Deliver" who martyred himself before his calculus class stating, "I may be a sinner, but I'm willing to atone for my sins."  Of course we have regrets and misgivings, but we can minimize their impacts by using the right personal approaches.  Be assertive, but also humble.  Be stunning, and carry confidence that others are equally so.  Love and be beautiful, from the inside out, where it most counts.

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